1.Oh, I don’t want to know that! How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundation for interstellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of a contagious skin disease?
你告訴我這些干嘛啊你。這下好了，我怎么可能一邊和斯坦.李討論用銀質沖浪板來星際飛行的科學依據，一邊逐行掃描他的臉以尋找皮膚傳染病的蛛絲馬跡。

2.I don’t trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM’s will lead the charge.
鬼才相信銀行。我堅信如果有一天機器人奮起反抗了，自動取款機肯定是起義軍領袖。

3.I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.
提醒你一下，我可是業(yè)內頂尖人士，你卻坐在桌子后面過家家。

4.You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
你們或許跟斯坦..李一起吃了冰欺凌，還得了他親筆簽名的漫畫，我可是親自進了他家還得到了他親筆簽名的禁制令申請狀。

5.Technically, magic beans would be food. Although eating them would be quite a waste since you plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.
嚴格來說，魔豆也是食物。雖然吃了他們怪浪費的，因為你可以種植它們然后一夜之間就會長成一株巨大的豆莖，足夠一個小城市吃的。

6.I have a twin sister whose assaults begin in utero. If only I’d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her then I’d have a mole with hair on it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.
在子宮里我那胞姐就開始欺負我。如果當年我能一直堅定地吸收掉她，我也就多了一顆長毛的痣，這樣也不會收到那些無聊的圣誕賀卡了。

7.I have no illusions about my mother, She’s a kind, loving, religiously fanatical, right wing Texan, with a slightly out of scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction.
我又沒有戀母情結，她就一個和藹可親、篤信上帝、極端右翼的德州人，頭長得有點不合比例，還對佩珀汽水有點上癮。

8.I’m the William Shatner of theoretical physics.
我就是理論物理界的威廉.夏特納。

9.Oh, no. A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. “People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can’t run, leave them behind!” Oh, the simulated horror!
不會吧。一個類似哥斯拉的怪物正在接近城市。我得把我的市民轉移到安全區(qū)?！爸x爾頓奧波利斯的市民們，我是你們的市長。跟著我。小孩子要是跑不了就別管他們了?！迸哆蠇屟剑M恐怖效果賊棒！

10.If it will help speed things along my answers to the standard Rorschach ink blot tests are: A – a bat. B – a bat. C – a bat. And D – my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle.
我補充一點可能會有所幫助，我做標準羅夏磨嘰測驗的結果是：圖A蝙蝠，圖B蝙蝠，圖C蝙蝠，圖D我爸想用皮下注射器殺死我媽。

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