看月?Enjoying the Moon

葉圣陶 Ye Shengtao

| 譯文摘自張培基《英譯中國(guó)散文選二》

住在上海“弄堂房子”里的人對(duì)于月亮的圓缺隱現(xiàn)是不甚關(guān)心的。所謂“天井”，不到一丈見(jiàn)方的面。至少十六支光的電燈每間里總得掛一盞。環(huán)境限定，不容你有關(guān)心到月亮的便利。走到路上，還沒(méi)“斷黑”已經(jīng)一連串地亮了街燈。有月亮吧，就像多了一盞燈。沒(méi)有月亮吧，猶如一盞街燈損壞了，沒(méi)有亮起來(lái)。誰(shuí)留意這些呢？
People living in the small alleyways of Shanghai pay little attention to the waxing and waning, or the visibility, of the moon. The so-called “courtyards” in their houses are generally smaller than three meters square. And each room is illuminated by an electric bulb of at least 16 watts. Such a living environment is of course inconvenient for you to enjoy the moonlight. When you go out for a walk towards the evening, you’ll see the street lamps lit up one after another though it is not yet quite dark. Moon or no moon simply means the appearance of one extra street lamp or that one of the street lamps has gone wrong and ceased to give out light. Nobody cares.

要點(diǎn)：

1，“圓缺隱現(xiàn)”中的“圓缺”譯為waxing and waning,而“隱現(xiàn)“則譯為visibility，即”可見(jiàn)性“較disappearance or appearance更加簡(jiǎn)潔
2，“一丈見(jiàn)方“即”邊長(zhǎng)為一丈的方形物體“，一丈=3.333米，故譯為three meters square看吧，學(xué)翻譯還能順便把數(shù)學(xué)復(fù)習(xí)了。。。
3，“十六支光“即16瓦=watt
4,” 斷黑“即“完全黑下來(lái)”，故譯為is not yet quite dark.
5, “有月亮吧，就像多了一盞燈。沒(méi)有月亮吧，猶如一盞街燈損壞了，沒(méi)有亮起來(lái)”譯為Moon or no moon simply means the appearance of one extra street lamp or that one of the street lamps has gone wrong and ceased to give out light.看到這個(gè)句子有木有想起來(lái)“To be or not to be, that’s the question.”？這種簡(jiǎn)潔的句式，學(xué)起來(lái)~
6，“誰(shuí)留意這些呢？“譯為Nobody care.疑問(wèn)句譯為否定句~譯者將隱含的否定意味翻了出來(lái)~更突出語(yǔ)氣

綜述：本段重難點(diǎn)主要在于“一丈見(jiàn)方“”十六支光“”斷黑“等詞的翻譯上~

去年夏天，我曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)不大聽(tīng)到蟬聲，現(xiàn)在說(shuō)起月亮，我又覺(jué)得許久不看見(jiàn)月亮了。只記得某夜夜半醒來(lái)，對(duì)窗的收音機(jī)已經(jīng)沉寂，隔壁的“麻將”也歇了手，各家的電燈都已熄滅，一道象牙色的光從南窗透進(jìn)來(lái)，把窗欞印在我的被袱上。我略微感到驚異，隨即想到原來(lái)是月亮光。好奇地要看看月亮本身，我向窗外望。但是，一會(huì)兒月亮被云遮沒(méi)了。
Last summer, I complained that I could seldom hear the singing of cicadas. Now I’m sorry that I haven’t seen the moon for a long time. I remember how late one night I happened to wake up to find no more blaring of the radio from the window of the opposite house, no more clatter of next door’s mahjong tiles and that all lights in the neighborhood had been put out. A creamy white ray of light streamed in through my southern window to cast shadow of the window lattice on my quilt. I was somewhat surprised. Then, when it dawned on me that it was the moon, I immediately looked out of the window, curious to have a look at it. But, unfortunately, it was soon hidden by the clouds.

要點(diǎn)：

1，“我曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)不大聽(tīng)到蟬聲“一句有”抱怨“的含義，故譯為I complained that…
用complained代替said,文學(xué)翻譯中的”說(shuō)“有時(shí)也不一定譯為”說(shuō)“哦~要根據(jù)語(yǔ)境選擇合適的詞匯~
2，“我又覺(jué)得許久不看見(jiàn)月亮了“同樣包含著”抱怨“的含義~故譯為I’m sorry…
其中I’m sorry=I realize
3, “記得某夜夜半醒來(lái)，對(duì)窗的收音機(jī)已經(jīng)沉寂，隔壁的“麻將”也歇了手，各家的電燈都已熄滅”譯為 I remember how late one night I happened to wake up to find no more blaring of the radio from the window of the opposite house, no more clatter of next door’s mahjong tiles and that all lights in the neighborhood had been put out.首先要明確主語(yǔ)是“我“，謂語(yǔ)是”發(fā)現(xiàn)“
①“記得某夜夜半醒來(lái)“譯為I remember how late one night I happened to wake up to find…譯文突出了”我“是”突然“醒來(lái)的，又是”意外地“發(fā)現(xiàn)了四周寂靜的環(huán)境~
②不管是“對(duì)窗的收音機(jī)“還是”隔壁的‘麻將’“，作者都是在收音機(jī)或麻將牌所發(fā)出來(lái)的聲音，故分別譯為the blaring of the radio from the window of the opposite house,和the clatter of next door’s mahjong tiles（麻將牌），其中blare, clatter, tile都屬于增譯，原文無(wú)其詞而有其意.
4,注意譯者在譯“透進(jìn)來(lái)”時(shí)，直接還原為本意“射進(jìn)來(lái)”=stream in（射進(jìn)來(lái)），“把窗欞印在”譯為“把窗欞的影子投射在…”即cast the shadow of the window lattice on…
5, it dawn on sb=it occur to sb意為“某人突然想起“

綜述：最后一句又是多動(dòng)詞句哦~之前分析過(guò)很多次了，這次童鞋們?cè)囋囎约悍治鲆幌聗

從北平來(lái)的人往往說(shuō)在上海這地方怎么“呆”得住。一切都這樣緊張?？諝馐沁@樣齷齪。走出去很難得看見(jiàn)樹(shù)木，諸如此類，他們可以舉出一大堆。我想，月亮仿佛失掉了這一點(diǎn)，也該列入他們認(rèn)為上?！按簟辈蛔〉睦碛砂?。假若如此，我倒并不同意。在生活的諸般條件里列入必須看月亮一項(xiàng)，那是沒(méi)有理由的。清曠的襟懷和高遠(yuǎn)的想象力未必定須由對(duì)月而養(yǎng)成。把仰望的雙眼移到地面，同樣可以收到修養(yǎng)上的效益，而且更見(jiàn)切實(shí)?？墒俏也⒎欠磳?duì)看月亮，只是說(shuō)即使不看也沒(méi)有什么關(guān)系罷了。
People from Peiping often wonder why Shanghailanders should choose to live in such a lousy place. They say life here is so full of tension, the air so foul, and the trees so scarce, and so on and so forth. I wonder if the apparent loss of moonlight might as well be listed among their reasons for staying away from the city. But I would think otherwise, for it doesn't make sense to call the enjoyment of moonlight one of the requisites of life. Open heart and wide vision do not necessarily come of watching the moon. The same can be achieved in self-cultivation, and that in a more practical way, by looking earthward instead of skyward. Nevertheless, I’m not opposed to watching the moon. I only mean it doesn’t matter at all if you see no moon.

要點(diǎn)：

1，“在上海這地方怎么‘呆’得住“意即”怎么愿意住在上海這么一個(gè)糟糕的地方“,故譯為People from Peiping often wonder why Shanghailanders should choose to live in such a lousy place.其中”上海人“通常譯為Shanghaiinese,但由于Shanghai并不是以n結(jié)尾的詞，這種譯法欠妥，故沿襲了過(guò)去的方法，譯為Shanghailanders
2，“一切都是這樣緊張…”是北平人的看法，故增譯They say…
3, “一切都這樣緊張?？諝馐沁@樣齷齪。走出去很難得看見(jiàn)樹(shù)木，諸如此類，他們可以舉出一大堆?！弊g為T(mén)hey say life here is so full of tension, the air so foul, and the trees so scarce, and so on and so forth.前兩句句式相同，翻譯時(shí)也比較容易整合為相同句式，而“走出去很難得看見(jiàn)樹(shù)木”為了同前面兩句對(duì)應(yīng)，譯時(shí)轉(zhuǎn)換了說(shuō)法即“樹(shù)木很少”，譯為了the trees is so scarce ，意思不變~
4，“把仰望的雙眼移到地面，同樣可以收到修養(yǎng)上的效益，而且更見(jiàn)切實(shí)”譯為T(mén)he same can be achieved in self-cultivation, and that in a more practical way, by looking earthward instead of skyward.其中“把仰望的雙眼移到地面”并沒(méi)有按照字面意思直譯，而是譯為by looking earthward instead of skyward 簡(jiǎn)單明了，且略帶俏皮~本句還值得注意下被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)的使用哦~

綜述：注意第三點(diǎn)，看譯者是如何轉(zhuǎn)換說(shuō)法使之和前面句式對(duì)應(yīng)的~

最好的月色我也曾看過(guò)。那時(shí)在福州的鄉(xiāng)下，地當(dāng)閩江一折的那個(gè)角上。某夜，靠著樓欄直望。閩江正在上潮，受著月光，成為水銀的洪流。江岸諸山略微籠罩著霧氣，好像不是平日看慣的那幾座山了。月亮高高停在天空，非常舒泰的樣子。從江岸直到我的樓下是一大片沙坪，月光照著，茫然一白，但帶點(diǎn)兒青的意味。不知什么地方送來(lái)晚香玉的香氣。也許是月亮的香氣吧，我這么想。我心中不起一切雜念，大約歷一刻鐘之久，才回轉(zhuǎn)身來(lái)。看見(jiàn)蠣粉墻上印著我的身影，我于是重又意識(shí)到了我。
The moonlight I once enjoyed watching in the suburbs of Fuzhou, round a bend of the Min River, was the best I have ever seen. Over there, one night as I leaned on an upstairs railing and gazed into the distance, I was amazed to see the surging tidal water in the River sparkling like silver in the moonlight. The mountains along the river banks, enveloped in a thin mist, appeared quite different from what we had been accustomed to see. The moon was hanging leisurely high up the sky. A wide sandy beach lay stretching all the way from the riverside to where I lived, showing a vast expanse of white in the moonlight, with slight undertones of green. Suddenly the sweet fragrance of tuberoses wafted up from somewhere. It might be the sweet fragrance of the moon, I thought. I stood lost in reverie. It was not until fifteen minutes later that, turning round to see my own shadow on the plaster wall, I finally returned to my old self.

要點(diǎn)：

1，“最好的月色我也曾看過(guò)。那時(shí)在福州的鄉(xiāng)下，地當(dāng)閩江一折的那個(gè)角上?！币饧础拔铱催^(guò)的最好的月色是在….”故譯為T(mén)he moonlight I once enjoyed watching in the suburbs of Fuzhou, round a bend of the Min River, was the best I have ever seen.其中round=around,”閩江一折”即“閩江的一個(gè)彎道”。

2，“閩江正在上潮，受著月光，成為水銀的洪流。”譯為Over there, one night as I leaned on an upstairs railing and gazed into the distance, I was amazed to see the surging tidal water in the River sparkling like silver in the moonlight.其中over there，I…是用于視角推進(jìn)的“緩沖句”（關(guān)于視角推進(jìn)，詳見(jiàn)《巷》的分析文哦~）gazed into the distance意為“望向遠(yuǎn)方”
3, “從江岸直到我的樓下是一大片沙坪，月光照著，茫然一白，但帶點(diǎn)兒青的意味。”譯為A wide sandy beach lay stretching all the way from the riverside to where I lived, showing a vast expanse of white in the moonlight, with slight undertones（寓意，弦外之音） of green.如此“散”的句子必然要整合一下進(jìn)行合譯啦，主語(yǔ)必然是“沙坪”，譯文增譯“延伸”并將其作為主要?jiǎng)釉~；“月光照著，茫然一白”即“在月光下顯出大片的白”；“帶點(diǎn)青的意味”譯為with slight undertones of green，其中undertone意為“弦外之音，底蘊(yùn)”
4，“也許是月亮的香氣吧，我這么想。我心中不起一切雜念”意即“我看得出神，覺(jué)得那香氣似乎來(lái)自月亮”。因此“我心中不起一切雜念”不宜按照字面直譯咯，譯文中譯為I stood lost in reverie，其中reverie意為“幻想”
5，“我于是重又意識(shí)到了我”意即“我又變成了原來(lái)的我”譯為I return to my old self, old self 意為“舊我”

綜述：本段在寫(xiě)景上獨(dú)具匠心，抒情色彩濃厚，而譯文很好地還原了原文寫(xiě)景與寫(xiě)情的結(jié)合，因此除了上述句型需要注意之外，描寫(xiě)景物的詞如：waft, envelop, sparkle, leisurely這些點(diǎn)睛之詞，也是需要我們學(xué)習(xí)積累滴~

那樣的月色如果能得再看幾回，自然是愉悅的事，雖然前面我說(shuō)過(guò)“即使不看也沒(méi)有什么關(guān)系”。
Of course it will bring me great pleasure to see the same brilliant moonlight a few more times even though I’ve said, “ it doesn’t matter at all if you see no moon.”

要點(diǎn)：

1，“那樣的月色”中的代詞“那樣”一定要明確，故譯為the same brilliant moonlight，其中brilliant意為“燦爛的”
2，see no sth表示看不到，多見(jiàn)于文學(xué)翻譯中~如：The old man looked ahead of him but he could see no sails nor could he see the hull nor the smoke of any ship.
老人朝前望去，他看不見(jiàn)任何帆影，看不見(jiàn)任何一艘船，也看不見(jiàn)船上所冒的煙。

綜述：

注意“代詞明確所指”這個(gè)點(diǎn)~

聲明：本雙語(yǔ)文章的中文評(píng)析系滬江英語(yǔ)原創(chuàng)內(nèi)容，轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處。中文評(píng)析僅代表作者個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)，僅供參考。如有不妥之處，歡迎指正。