話說短文A Chat about Short Essays
冰心Bing Xin
| 譯文摘自張培基《英譯中國散文選一》

也許是我的精、氣、神都不足吧,不但自己寫不出長的東西,人讀一本刊物時(shí),也總是先挑短的看,不論是小說、散文或是其他的文學(xué)形式,最后才看長的。
Perhaps due to my failing energies, not only have I refrained from writing anything long, but also, in reading a magazine, for example, I usually finish its shorter pieces of writing first, be they fiction, prose or any other forms of literature, before going on to the longer ones.

要點(diǎn):
1,“也許是我的精、氣、神都不足吧”譯為Perhaps due to my failing energies,注意這里的精氣神可不是游戲里的辣個(gè)(⊙﹏⊙)b,它的意思是“身體和精神上的能量”,也可譯為mental and physical energy,但都不如energy顯得簡潔俏皮~
2,fail表示“視力,健康,記憶上的衰退”,之前在《中年人的寂寞》中我們也見到過~“眼睛昏花了,記憶力減退了”譯為my eyesight and memory failing
3,“不但自己寫不出長的東西…”用not only句式,譯為not only have I refrained from writing anything long,其中“寫不出”=refrain from~表示受到客觀限制不能做某事
4,“不論是小說、散文或是其他的文學(xué)形式”前方高能~~ 注意啦?。?!這里出現(xiàn)了表“無論”的新用法,“無論A還是B”譯為 be+代詞+ A or B,如“香酥雞,肯德基,道口燒雞,大同小異”=Chickens are chickens ,be it Fried Crisp Chicken, KFC Chicken or Red-cooked Chicken.學(xué)了好多菜名吧~~~O(∩_∩)O
5,本段中“看”出現(xiàn)了2次,分別用了finish/going on the writing表示“讀完/繼續(xù)讀”,都沒有用look或是see哦

綜述:這一段雖然很短,但是里面的信息量很大,譯得簡潔并不容易

我總覺得,凡是為了非傾吐不可而寫的作品,都是充滿了真情實(shí)感的。反之,只是為寫作而寫作,如上之為應(yīng)付編輯朋友,一之為多拿稿費(fèi),這類文章大都是盡量地往長里寫,結(jié)果是即便的一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的感情,也被沖洗到水分太多、淡而無味的地步。
I always believe that anything written with an irresistible inner urge to unbosom oneself must be full of genuine feelings. On the contrary, if one writes simply for the sake of writing—say, to humor one’s editor friends, or worse still, to earn more remuneration, one will most probably make his writings unnecessarily long until they become, despite what little feeling they may contain, inflated and wishy-washy.

要點(diǎn):
1,“凡是為了非傾吐不可而寫的作品”譯為anything written with an irresistible inner urge to unbosom oneself,其中urge意為“沖動(dòng),強(qiáng)烈的欲望,unbosom譯為“表露心跡,吐露心聲”(bosom有胸襟,胸懷之意)
2,“為寫作而寫作”譯為if one writes simply for the sake of writing,此處又出現(xiàn)了for sake of表示“為了”~
3,“只是為寫作而寫作,如上之為應(yīng)付編輯朋友,一之為多拿稿費(fèi),這類文章大都是盡量地往長里寫,結(jié)果是即便的一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的感情,也被沖洗到水分太多、淡而無味的地步?!边@句話并沒有一個(gè)明確的主語~需要我們找找找,通過分析可以發(fā)現(xiàn),幾個(gè)分句動(dòng)作的發(fā)出者都是“寫作品的人”譯文用one(指代寫作品的人)做主語,成功串起了整個(gè)一句話~
4,“如”即“比如說”,譯為say,英語中舉例時(shí)常會(huì)用say 這個(gè)詞
5,“為應(yīng)付編輯朋友”意為“遷就…的要求”因此譯為humor(迎合,遷就)如:For the kinder among us did not wish to fret the master , we humoured his partiality .
(因?yàn)槲覀冎虚g比較心慈的人并不愿惹主人生氣,所以我們就迎合他的偏愛。)表示同樣含義的還有cater for/to, accommodate, play up to~

6,“結(jié)果是即便的一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的感情,也被沖洗到水分太多、淡而無味的地步”中“結(jié)果”又用了until表示,這個(gè)用法在《艱難的國運(yùn)與雄健的國民》中也出現(xiàn)過哦~這個(gè)句子的特別之處在于句中同時(shí)有“結(jié)果”和“即使”兩個(gè)狀語成分,譯者翻譯時(shí)將后者譯為了插入語~

綜述:又是信息量大大滴一段,都是重點(diǎn)都是重點(diǎn)??!

當(dāng)由一個(gè)人物,一樁事跡,一幅畫面而發(fā)生的真情實(shí)感,向你襲來的時(shí)候,它就像一根扎到你心尖上的長針,一陣卷到你面前的怒潮,你只能用最真切、最簡練的文字,才能描畫出你心尖上的那一陣劇痛和你面前的那一霎驚惶!
When true emotions aroused by a person, an event or a scene come upon you like a pin pricking your heart or an angry tide surging threateningly before you, all you can do is use the most vivid and succinct language to describe the severe pain in your heart or the momentary feeling of panic caused by the angry tide.

要點(diǎn):
1,“襲來”說白了就是“攻擊,侵襲,席卷”,strike, come, invade等詞在特定語境下均可表示此意,同志們可根據(jù)不同語境選擇不同的單詞,如:
當(dāng)災(zāi)難襲來,建筑常常是大面積損毀。
when a disaster strikes, the damage is often widespread.
當(dāng)聲譽(yù)和金錢向他襲來,報(bào)紙的標(biāo)題并沒有對(duì)他產(chǎn)生影響。
Newspaper headlines did not affect him as offers of fame and large sums of money came.

2,“你心尖上”即“你的內(nèi)心深處”或“你的心頭”,譯為your heart 即可,the tip of your heart就不必了~
3,“一霎驚慌”意即“片刻的驚慌”譯為the momentary feeling of panic
4,caused by the angry tide起了補(bǔ)充說明的作用

綜述:本段根據(jù)行文需要,有兩處被動(dòng)語態(tài),童鞋們稍微注意下~

我們偉大的祖國,是有寫短文的文學(xué)傳統(tǒng)的。那部包括上下數(shù)千年的《古文觀止》,“上起東周,下迄明末,共選輯文章220篇”有幾篇是長的?如杜牧的《阿房宮賦》,韓愈的《祭十二郎文》等等,哪一篇不是短而充滿了真情實(shí)感?今人的巴金的《隨感錄》,不也是一個(gè)實(shí)例嗎?
Our great motherland is known for its literary tradition of short essays. Do you find anything unduly long in A Treasury of Best Ancient Chinese Prose with its 220 essays selected from a period of several thousand years in ancient China from the Eastern Zhou Dynasty down until the end of the Ming Dynasty? Aren’t the essays in it, like Du Mu’s Rhapsody on Epang Palace and Han Yu’s An Elegiac Address to My Nephew Shi’erlang, all short and yet full of true feelings? Isn’t A Collection of Random Thoughts by Ba Jin, our contemporary, another like example of pithy writing?

要點(diǎn):
1,“我們偉大的祖國,是有寫短文的文學(xué)傳統(tǒng)的”譯為Our great motherland is known for its literary tradition of short essays.此處也可以譯為Our great motherland has a literary tradition of short essays,但不如前者靈活~
2,“…有幾篇是長的?”譯為Do you find anything unduely long ,其中unduely 是添加成分,作“不適當(dāng)?shù)兀^分地”解,原文雖然沒有明說,但字里行間都透露了這個(gè)意思~
3,“《祭十二郎文》”譯為An elegiac Address to My Nephew Shi’erlang,其中,My Nephew解釋了“十二郎”的身份,屬釋義性翻譯,意在幫助讀者理解,之前說過,這種翻譯手法在翻譯有關(guān)中國傳統(tǒng)文化的材料時(shí)尤為多見。
4,“…不也是一個(gè)實(shí)例嗎?”這又是一個(gè)反問句,譯為一般疑問句(否定詞開頭),之前在《我坐了木船》中我也著重介紹過反問句的譯法,比如“輪船飛機(jī)就不危險(xiǎn)嗎?”譯為is it less dangerous to travel by steamer or aircraft?(is it less=isn’t it)~
5,“…不也是一個(gè)實(shí)例嗎?”譯為Isn’t …another like example of pithy writing?其中,Like 和pithy writing都是添加成分,原文雖然沒有明說,但是有這個(gè)意思哦~

綜述:本段需注意釋義性翻譯,以及反問句的譯法

聲明:本雙語文章的中文評(píng)析系滬江英語原創(chuàng)內(nèi)容,轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處。中文評(píng)析僅代表作者個(gè)人觀點(diǎn),僅供參考。如有不妥之處,歡迎指正。