There are relationships, and there are entanglements. Read on to discover the four signs that mean you're not experiencing the kind of real love you truly deserve -- and what to do about it.
美好的戀情總會(huì)有瓶頸的時(shí)期。看看下面四個(gè)信號(hào)對(duì)比一下，測(cè)測(cè)自己是否真正處在值得的戀情之中吧-順便看看如何化解危機(jī)。

A relationship is one in which both people are free to be themselves, yet there is no shortage of intimacy. No fear that doing what you love or being who you are or taking time for yourself will drive the other person away.
戀愛(ài)指的是雙方都可以隨心所欲地做自己，同時(shí)又不失親密。不用擔(dān)心做自己喜歡的事或者做真實(shí)的自己會(huì)把另一半嚇跑。

In a relationship, neither person needs the other to "complete" them. Both people are awake to themselves, their feelings and thoughts, and are open to the flow of love and attention with one another.
在戀愛(ài)中，我們不需要去迎合對(duì)方。雙方都是忠于自己的感受、想法，也可以時(shí)不時(shí)流露出對(duì)對(duì)方的愛(ài)意和關(guān)注。

It's about two equals celebrating together rather than "needing" something from the other.
這是兩個(gè)平等獨(dú)立個(gè)體的組合，而絕不是從自己的需求出發(fā)相互索取。

Signs You're in an Entanglement
戀愛(ài)瓶頸期的征兆

Entanglements may look like a relationship on the surface. You might spend a lot of time together, you've met each other's friends and family, and people refer to you as a "couple."
戀愛(ài)瓶頸期就好比表面的戀愛(ài)關(guān)系。也許你們會(huì)花很多時(shí)間泡在一起，也見(jiàn)過(guò)對(duì)方的朋友和家人，大家也都把你們看成“一對(duì)”。

But you're not having a real relationship -- at least not one that is characterized by love and harmony.
但是你沒(méi)有實(shí)質(zhì)上的戀愛(ài)關(guān)系-至少不是充滿(mǎn)愛(ài)和美好的關(guān)系。

1. You keep having the same issues
同樣的爭(zhēng)吵犯了又犯

When you find yourself having the same old argument with your partner for the umpteenth time, that's a pretty good sign you're likely in an entanglement. If you had the same problem in your previous relationships, or keep picking partners with similar issues, that's a tip-off, too.
如果你和另一半總是為類(lèi)似的事情吵架，明顯說(shuō)明你們到了戀愛(ài)瓶頸期。如果你在上一段關(guān)系中有同樣的問(wèn)題，或者你挑選的伴侶總是有這樣的問(wèn)題，這也是一個(gè)警告。

Patterns that repeat -- especially from relationship to relationship -- indicate that you have unresolved feelings from the past, creating a destructive dynamic that keeps you from enjoying harmony.
如果每次爭(zhēng)吵的模式都一樣，尤其是從一段戀情到另一段戀情，那就表明你并沒(méi)有從前一段戀情的傷害中走出來(lái)，無(wú)法享受愛(ài)的美好。

2. You don't feel safe or understood
你沒(méi)有安全感，感覺(jué)自己不被理解

One of the clearest signs of entanglement is that it is hard for one person to let the other person feel his or her feelings and tell the truth about them. Entanglements feel like you have to shut down a part of yourself. If you're feeling like your partner just doesn't get you, and that you're not free to say exactly what's on your mind, you know you're not in a real relationship.
戀愛(ài)瓶頸期中最明顯的一個(gè)特征，就是很難讓另一半感知自己的感受、很難告訴對(duì)方自己真實(shí)的感受。戀愛(ài)瓶頸期，你不自覺(jué)地隱藏起自己的一部分。如果你覺(jué)得另一半就是不懂你，你不能再去隨心所欲地說(shuō)出所想，那么你的戀愛(ài)就有問(wèn)題了。

3. Someone always needs to be right
兩個(gè)人非要分出誰(shuí)對(duì)誰(shuí)錯(cuò)

In a real relationship, each person is "awake" to his or her role in a problem, and the priority for both is relationship growth. Entanglements are characterized by power struggles. Both people are vying for the title of victim, thus making the other the perpetrator. Nobody ever wins.
在美好的戀愛(ài)關(guān)系中，在矛盾中每個(gè)人都“清楚”自己的角色，對(duì)兩個(gè)人來(lái)說(shuō)沒(méi)有什么比經(jīng)營(yíng)感情發(fā)展更重要的了。然而在戀愛(ài)瓶頸期，兩個(gè)人有一種無(wú)形的斗爭(zhēng)。兩個(gè)人都認(rèn)為自己是委屈的一方，而把責(zé)任推卸給另一半。然而這樣的戀情中，其實(shí)兩個(gè)人都輸了。

4. It's just so hard
兩個(gè)人相處就是不對(duì)，身心俱疲

If you're feeling drained with your partner, you're likely caught up in an entanglement. In a harmonious relationship, both people take responsibility for any issues that arise, and they come up with creative solutions that further add to the positive feelings they share.
如果你覺(jué)得跟另一半在一起身心俱疲，那么你們可能就到了瓶頸期。在一段美好的戀愛(ài)關(guān)系里，兩個(gè)人對(duì)出現(xiàn)的任何問(wèn)題都勇于承擔(dān)，一起去想出有創(chuàng)造性的解決方案來(lái)給彼此的感情增彩。

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