photo

You'll need, at minimum: pancake makeup, a hair tie, a bottle of nail polish, and various props (preferably food items). You'll also need a highly developed sense of humor and/or gnawing loneliness and/or a finely honed appreciation of the absurd.
你至少需要準(zhǔn)備一下工具：化妝粉餅、蝴蝶結(jié)、一瓶指甲油、一堆小道具（最好是食物一類(lèi)的）。你還需要濃厚的幽默感和（或）飽嘗單身之苦的心和（或）對(duì)荒謬事情的高度欣賞與熱愛(ài)。

Got all that? Great. Then follow these easy steps. And you, too, will be on your way to Instagrammed bliss.
這些都準(zhǔn)備好了嗎？很好，按照下面的簡(jiǎn)單步驟，你也能在網(wǎng)上發(fā)出一系列令人激動(dòng)的圖片。

makeup

1. Apply makeup to the hand-skin. Preferably of a different color than your natural skin. Preferably onto your dominant hand.
先在手上做文章，最好把你的慣用手化妝成和自然膚色不同的顏色。

nails

2. Paint the fingernails of the dominant hand. Preferably pink. Allow to dry, approximately 15 minutes. Add a decorative hair tie to the wrist of the made-up, nail-painted hand.
在慣用手上涂指甲油。大概15分鐘后就全干了。這時(shí)再向化過(guò)妝、涂過(guò)指甲油的手上加點(diǎn)蝴蝶結(jié)配飾。

3. Go to a coffee shop, a park, or another other place you might frequent with an actual girlfriend. If necessary, simply simulate that spot.
去商店、公園或其它能經(jīng)常遇到真正女朋友的地方。如果有必要的話，就自己設(shè)置一個(gè)那樣的景點(diǎn)。

4. Use your dominant hand to mimic the gestures an actual girlfriend might make while seated across from you: squeezing your cheeks, feeding you treats, lovingly wiping errant condiments from your lips.
想象真正的女朋友坐在對(duì)面時(shí)會(huì)做哪些手勢(shì)，再用慣用手模仿：捏臉蛋、喂吃的、溫柔地吧你嘴角邊的調(diào)料擦掉。

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5. Use your other hand to snap a selfie of the dominant hand doing its stuff. Adjust angles and camera depths as necessary.
在慣用手正忙活的時(shí)候，用另一只手設(shè)置定時(shí)拍攝拍照。必要的時(shí)候調(diào)整角度和景深。

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6. Filter the resulting images through one of Instagram's blurrier filters.
用圖片處理軟件將照片模糊化處理。

7. Post the filtered images to Instagram.
把照片發(fā)到網(wǎng)上。

8. Revel.
狂歡開(kāi)始啦！