Having recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary, I wanted to learn how my husband and I could help immunize ourselves from future strains and stresses on our marriage. Since we inherit most of our conceptions of marriage from our families, peers and social groups, I was drawn to Tara Parker-Pope's scientific exploration of relationships in For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage. After her 17-year marriage ended, the New York Times Well Blog columnist Parker-Pope sought an objective, fact-based understanding of what went wrong in her own relationship. Whether you think of your significant other as your soul mate, life partner, husband or wife, Parker-Pope offers insights to help you strengthen your most profound relationship in life.
最近我和丈夫剛剛慶祝了第一個(gè)結(jié)婚周年紀(jì)念日，我想學(xué)習(xí)一下我們?nèi)绾尾拍鼙苊馕磥砘橐鲋械目目慕O絆。由于我們大多數(shù)有關(guān)婚姻的觀點(diǎn)都繼承自我們家人、同輩朋友和社會(huì)群體，因此當(dāng)我最近讀到塔拉·帕克·蒲伯的《期待更好：幸福婚姻的科學(xué)》一書時(shí)，我被書中對(duì)婚姻關(guān)系的科學(xué)探索所吸引。在結(jié)束了17年的婚姻之后，這位《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》的博客專欄作家開始尋找對(duì)于自身戀愛關(guān)系中的問題的客觀有事實(shí)根據(jù)的理解。不論你對(duì)你的靈魂伴侶、生活搭檔還是丈夫或妻子，這些重要的另一半怎么看，帕克·蒲伯所提供的深刻見解都能幫助你增強(qiáng)生活中最深遠(yuǎn)的那層關(guān)系。

If you are in a new and thriving marriage, a fulfilling partnership of many years, or evaluating whether you want to take the next step, Parker-Pope's tips from "For Better" will help you maintain, booster or rekindle the relationship bliss:
不論你是正享受甜蜜的新婚，還是經(jīng)營(yíng)了多年的幸?；橐?，抑或正在盤算是否要進(jìn)行下一步，那么帕克·蒲伯在本書中提供的小貼士會(huì)幫助你維持、增進(jìn)或者重新點(diǎn)燃你的幸福愛情。

1. Celebrate the small stuff.
慶祝點(diǎn)滴小事。

"It's not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in her or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen every day can boost the health of your marriage."
“如果你的伴侶只知道你為她或者她的才能而驕傲，這還不夠。你必須將此表現(xiàn)出來。多挖掘每天發(fā)生的微小的美好的事情，這會(huì)促進(jìn)婚姻的健康發(fā)展?！?/div>

2. Learn how to fight productively.
學(xué)會(huì)如何有效地爭(zhēng)吵。

"The key to fighting productively is to recognize when a disagreement is going in the wrong direction and to take steps to calm things down and repair rifts."
“有效爭(zhēng)吵的關(guān)鍵在于，認(rèn)識(shí)到爭(zhēng)論是在何時(shí)偏離了方向，并且采取措施讓事情平靜下來并修復(fù)分歧?！?/div>

3. Silence is not golden.
沉默并非是金。

"By staying quiet and avoiding conflict when things bothered them, they had missed important opportunities to cultivate and grow their relationship."
“如果出現(xiàn)困擾時(shí)仍保持安靜、避免沖突，那么他們就失去了滋養(yǎng)感情和增進(jìn)感情的重要機(jī)會(huì)。”

4. Don't put negative thoughts into the universe.
不要總是有消極想法。

"Men and women who had pondered thoughts of divorce in 1980 were nine times more likely to have gotten divorced by the end of the study."
“在1980年開始的一項(xiàng)研究中，曾有過離婚想法的男女，到研究結(jié)束時(shí)離婚的可能性是其他人的9倍?！?/div>

5. Plan together.
一起計(jì)劃。

"Couples who planned a baby's arrival or who were equally joyous at becoming parents were far more likely to maintain their marital happiness or even enjoy an increase after the baby was born."
“計(jì)劃生育寶寶或是同樣滿足于為人父母的夫妻更易保持婚姻幸福，有的在寶寶出生后婚姻幸福感得到了提升。”

6. Maintain a circle of friends and support.
維持朋友圈和給予支持。

"Strong friendships outside the marriage can take the pressure off your relationship, help you work things out away from your spouse, and ultimately protect your marriage from unnecessary stress and discord."
“婚姻之外牢固的友誼能減輕你因愛情所承受的壓力，幫助你在不依靠伴侶的情況下解決問題，最終保護(hù)你的婚姻免受不必要的壓力與不和?！?/div>

7. Overcompensate for mistakes.
過度補(bǔ)償錯(cuò)誤。

"Do marriage math. Even when you make a mistake, tell yourself that you're going to do at least five positive things for your spouse to make up for it, and then do them. And don't wait until you bicker to turn on the charm. Nice gestures and comments go far in a marriage, they are easy to do, and they will help insulate your marriage from being damaged by the inevitable bad days."
“做一下這道關(guān)于婚姻的數(shù)學(xué)題。當(dāng)你犯了錯(cuò)誤，告訴自己你要對(duì)伴侶做至少5件積極的事情來補(bǔ)償，然后照做。不要等到你們發(fā)生了口角才來展現(xiàn)你的魅力。優(yōu)美的姿態(tài)和言語在婚姻中十分奏效，這很容易做到，它們還有助于使你的婚姻免遭不可避免的壞情緒日子的侵害?！?/div>

8. Set the marriage bar high.
設(shè)高婚姻的門檻。

"Husbands and wives who hold their partners to a reasonably high standard have better marriages. If you expect a better, more satisfying relationship, you improve your chances of having one."
“將伴侶的檔次提升到合理高度的夫妻會(huì)有更幸福的婚姻。如果你期望有一段更美好、更令自己滿意的婚姻關(guān)系，那么你就要提升擁有它的可能性。”

9. Give it a break.
給婚姻適當(dāng)?shù)目臻g。

"Sometimes, improving your marriage means giving it a break. Increasing your connections with family, friends and society is good for your marriage."
“有時(shí)候，改善婚姻質(zhì)量意味著給它一些空間。增加你跟家人、朋友和社會(huì)的聯(lián)系對(duì)婚姻有好處。”

10. Be aware of your body language.
注意你的肢體語言。

"Eye rolling is a painfully obvious sign of contempt, and it's a powerful predictor that your relationship is in serious trouble."
“轉(zhuǎn)眼珠的動(dòng)作非常明顯地表現(xiàn)出了蔑視，這強(qiáng)有力地預(yù)示了你的婚姻關(guān)系陷入了大麻煩?！?/div> ?

猜你喜歡