Band 4

Topic:

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

4分的原因：

首先，該同學(xué)在語法上的缺陷是致命的，多數(shù)句子都不符合英語句子結(jié)構(gòu)的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已經(jīng)是謂語動詞了，后面再出現(xiàn)will happen就是錯誤的，要知道后一個動詞需要采取去動詞性質(zhì)處理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其實(shí)這句話也很羅嗦，完全可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

另外一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是無法理解了， is, display, have 及accept 統(tǒng)統(tǒng)是動詞形態(tài)在句子中出現(xiàn)，但又沒有從句將這些動詞分開，最終連成功解密過無數(shù)學(xué)生天書的我也不能理解他究竟想講什么了。

非常不幸的是在中國龐大的考鴨軍團(tuán)中，有1/2以上的考鴨們寫出來的英語句子與這位考生寫的同樣晦澀難懂。如果你的英語句子也存在這樣的基本語法錯誤的話，我的建議是趕緊花上3-4天的時間解決這個問題，然后再move on到雅思寫作上。

寫作建議NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

按照英文的語法句式寫英文句子。

其次，這篇文章的論證邏輯混亂：第二段他想表達(dá)的是招同樣數(shù)量的男女生的好處，第三段要寫專業(yè)的不同會導(dǎo)致招收同樣數(shù)量的男女生是不現(xiàn)實(shí)的，最后收尾段寫道：最終我同意應(yīng)該招收同樣數(shù)量的男女生。從上面的兩段看下來，最后一段要寫的應(yīng)該是partially agree with the topic 才對—如果專業(yè)有較強(qiáng)的性別取向性，那么該topic不成立;如果專業(yè)對于兩性來說同樣的，那么一半對一半的搭配是值得推薦的。

寫作建議NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.

你的結(jié)論來自你的文章內(nèi)容，而不是你腦子中憑空構(gòu)思出的。

Band 5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

What knowledge and skills should universities provide has been argued for many years. Some people think that the true function of universities provide knowledge for their own purpose, but nowadays, more and more people point out that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills according to the workplace.

The first reason for universities should provide these knowledge and skill is the students’ needs. Obviously, the most of the students go to university purpose of is to get some knowledge and skills which could make them have the ability to get a job. If a university does not provide these knowledge and skills, the students might not get a job and they would be very disappointed. As a result, the university would lose its students.

Moreover, providing knowledge and skills needed in the workplace makes a university progress. The new skills and information always are initiated in the workplace, so focusing on the needs of the workplace the university could get sound strategies to do research and make it more modernization.

Lastly, providing these knowledge and skills could benefit our country which usually gives a financial support to universities. Having these knowledge and skills, students are more easy to get a job, and this can make our countries’ economy strong.

In conclusion, it can be said that providing the knowledge and skills which the workplace needs is every university’s basic function.

只能拿到5分的原因：

一、這個題目中有兩方的觀點(diǎn)：some 及others的，很明顯這位考生在后面的論證過程中完全忽視了others的觀點(diǎn),都在一味地論證some 的觀點(diǎn)的正確性，于是考官給出的評語是：it does not address all parts of the question.

寫作建議NO.3：Do not neglect any part, or you will regret your mark.

不要忽視任何東西，否則你的分?jǐn)?shù)會讓你很傷心。

二、這位考生在連接詞和復(fù)雜句型上都表現(xiàn)得不錯，可是他太偷懶了，knowledge and skill這個詞組一共用了9次，這種高頻率的repetition讓這位考生付出了比較慘重的代價，所以看者希望你們能夠汲取這樣的教訓(xùn)，多注意Paraphrase的練習(xí)。尤其是常考的考試主題所可能涉及到的高頻單詞更是要做好homework. knowledge and skill就屬于top 3 的高頻考題的教育類，所以這類的詞匯一定是多多準(zhǔn)備才對，如 expertise, conversance, instruction, competence, aptitude, technique, prowess, dexterity 都可以拿來替換這兩個詞。

寫作建議NO.4：Paraphrase helps you parachute into a higher band.

改寫能助你拿到高分。

Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.

To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to student’s house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students’ level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.

On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don’t help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.

問題分析：

從論證大主題的角度來說，這一篇的最后的收尾是co-operation 更重要的成立的，但是這位考生在文字?jǐn)?shù)量分配上缺乏規(guī)劃，分配給competition的文字明顯多于給co-operation的，這樣就給了考官一個非常合情合理的借口扣分，實(shí)在是遺憾啊!

寫作建議NO.5：If it is your preference, give it more reference.

如果你更認(rèn)同那個觀點(diǎn)，那就在這個觀點(diǎn)上多寫點(diǎn)吧。

如果我們進(jìn)一步看下Body段里的細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容，其實(shí)這位考生的語法功力和邏輯論證能力比上面那位5分同學(xué)還要差，但是這篇文章把題目中的兩個方面都提到，沒有犯我的NO.3建議中的錯誤。除此之外，文字總量上這一篇文章叫上兩篇都有一定的優(yōu)勢，所以再強(qiáng)調(diào)下數(shù)量真的也很重要。

寫作建議NO.6：A quantitative change causes a qualitative change.

量變帶來質(zhì)變。

Band 7.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fixing punishments for each type of crime has been a debatable issue. There are many arguments supporting both views, those for and those against fixed punishments.

On the one hand, fixed punishments will have a deterring effect on society. Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. This deterring effect also leads to social stability and security, through minimizing the number of crime committed. If people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of a reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result into criminals getting away with their crimes and into a high level of injustice caused by the subjective approach of different courts.

On the other hand, taking the circumstances of a crime and its motivation into consideration is a prerequisite for establishing and ensuring justice and equity. A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next.

In my opinion and intermediary position between both solutions is the perfect way to establish and ensure justice and equity. There have to be fixed punishments for all crimes. however, criminal laws have to provide for a minimum and a maximum for the punishment and the laws also have to foresee certain cases of exemptions. An example for setting minimum and maximum penalties is Completion Law where a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine, according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime.As for the exemptions, in some countries the law exempts thiefs stealing food during a period of famine taking into consideration the distress and hunger. Also a person killing in self-defense will be exempted from punishment.

這篇7.5分的例文幾乎全部遵守了以上6條建議，但是在paraphrase這一點(diǎn)仍有失誤，作者應(yīng)該把penalty早早提到文章的前面替換掉一些頻繁出現(xiàn)的punishment, 同時應(yīng)該多收集點(diǎn)其它的詞，如：castigation, penalization, discipline等。 但是他關(guān)于收集犯罪類的詞匯上顯然homework做的比較足，所以用了很多專業(yè)的詞匯：

jury 陪審團(tuán); penal 刑事的; arbitrary 武斷的;injustice 不公正; subjective approach 主觀的方法; prerequisite 前提; self-defense 正當(dāng)防衛(wèi); serial killer 連環(huán)殺手; exemption 豁免; liable 應(yīng)負(fù)法律責(zé)任的; convict 定…罪; violation 違背。

從語法上來看，這篇essay 除使用了定語從句外，還有大量的分詞短語作定語，如：

Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. (現(xiàn)在分詞)

A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next. (現(xiàn)在分詞)

according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime. (過去分詞)

被動語態(tài)也有展現(xiàn)：

a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine.

這兩個語法點(diǎn)都被囊括在了幾個寫作高分語法點(diǎn)中，所以同學(xué)在掌握好了以上六條建議之后應(yīng)該在這些寫作高分語法句型上花些精力和時間，以助自己的高分夢想早日實(shí)現(xiàn)。

最后強(qiáng)調(diào)下，寫作時論證一定要全面，尤其是對于雙觀點(diǎn)的題型。 更是要掌握好兩方論證的順序和篇幅分配，最后在總結(jié)時要注意是否和正文思路吻合。