wit

Wit is a quality that is easily desired, but no so easily obtained. Those who do have it have gained heavy acclaim. Since the beginning of time, mankind has argued and debated against one another, and while some conflicts are won in wars, many of them are won in words. Here are ten of history’s best comebacks, retorts, repartee, insults, or whatever else you’d like to call them. From quotes of Winston Churchill to Oscar Wilde, these are surely people to tell tales about.
機(jī)智是人人都很想要的品質(zhì)，可是卻沒(méi)那么容易得到。機(jī)智的人總是會(huì)獲得無(wú)盡贊美。自古以來(lái)，人類中就有爭(zhēng)吵和辯論的存在。有些矛盾是通過(guò)戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)解決，有些卻是在言語(yǔ)交鋒中戰(zhàn)勝別人。下面是史上十大最佳的反駁，你說(shuō)這些是機(jī)敏的回答也好，不動(dòng)聲色的侮辱也好，都可以。從丘吉爾到王爾德，他們妙語(yǔ)連珠，絕對(duì)是機(jī)智界的傳奇：

Churchill

10. An English Comeback 英式反駁

Nancy Astor was an American socialite who married into the wealthy English family of Astor. She actually was the first woman to be elected to Parliament, which makes her humiliation all the sweeter. She was invited to 1912 a dinner party located in the Churchill estate, but, unfortunately for her, she became extremely annoyed at a drunk and politically incorrect Winston Churchill. Finally, she exclaimed the following: “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Unaffected by her sudden outburst, Churchill moderately and quickly replied with a great comeback:
南茜·阿斯特是嫁入英國(guó)阿斯特家族的美國(guó)名媛，事實(shí)上她也是第一位入選國(guó)會(huì)的女性，這樣看起來(lái)雖然她在丘吉爾面前丟臉了，也無(wú)傷大雅。1912年，南茜受邀到丘吉爾的府邸參加晚宴，不過(guò)她很不幸，她對(duì)著喝醉的丘吉爾，再想到與其在政治上的意見(jiàn)分歧，越發(fā)惱火，最后南茜說(shuō)出下面這句話：“溫斯頓，你要是我丈夫，我早在你的咖啡里下毒了?！笨墒乔鸺獱枌?duì)南茜的突然爆發(fā)表現(xiàn)得無(wú)動(dòng)于衷，他很快很平常地回了一句：

“Nancy, if you were my wife I’d drink it.”
“南茜，你要是我夫人，我肯定會(huì)喝的?！?/strong>

Coolidge

9. The Best Presidential Comeback 最佳總統(tǒng)式反駁

The next situation involves the 30th US president, Calvin Coolidge. He was a relatively quiet man and was known for his brevity, though the few words he had made quite an impression, especially with this wonderful comeback. After an after-dinner recital, an acclaimed and heavily respected opera singer was invited to the White House. But apparently performing for the president was quite a frightening experience and her performance left much to be desired. During the performance, one of the White Houses’s guests leaned over and whispered to Coolidge: “What do you think of the singer’s execution?” Coolidge calmly replied:
下面這個(gè)是關(guān)于美國(guó)第三十任總統(tǒng)卡爾文·柯立芝的軼事?？铝⒅ナ莻€(gè)相當(dāng)安靜的人，語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)潔，不過(guò)雖然寥寥數(shù)語(yǔ)，但讓人印象深刻，尤其是下面這句精彩的反駁。一次餐后獨(dú)奏會(huì)后，白宮邀請(qǐng)了一位大受歡迎德高望重的歌劇演唱家來(lái)表演。不過(guò)對(duì)于這位演唱家來(lái)說(shuō)，為總統(tǒng)表演絕對(duì)是次膽戰(zhàn)心驚的經(jīng)歷，所以她的演唱乏善可陳。在演出途中，一位白宮的客人靠過(guò)來(lái)跟柯立芝悄悄說(shuō)道：“您覺(jué)得這位演唱家表現(xiàn)得怎么樣？”柯立芝很冷靜地回答道：

“I’m all for it.”
“我完全贊成你的觀點(diǎn)?！?/strong>

Ghandi

8. The Obvious Comeback 最明顯的反駁

Mohandas Gandhi is associated with civil rights and nonviolence, but most definitely not wit. As the following story will show you, Gandhi didn’t have to fight with his fists, but simply had to use his words. After gaining fame for a campaign to promote colonial India’s independence, Gandhi traveled to London and met with British authorities. The British were wonderfully curious about this strange little man, and Gandhi was constantly bombarded with questions from the press and photographers. One day, a reporter cried out, “What do you think of Western civilization?” And in a monumental moment that would define Gandhi’s reputation, he replied:
人們總是把莫漢達(dá)斯·甘地和公民權(quán)利、非暴力運(yùn)動(dòng)這些聯(lián)系在一起，而絕對(duì)不會(huì)跟機(jī)智掛上鉤。下面這個(gè)故事告訴你，甘地不需要用拳頭戰(zhàn)斗，簡(jiǎn)單的言語(yǔ)就可以。由于推行殖民地印度的獨(dú)立運(yùn)動(dòng)，甘地名聲大噪，他去英國(guó)旅行時(shí)跟英國(guó)的當(dāng)?shù)毓賳T見(jiàn)面。英國(guó)人對(duì)這個(gè)奇怪的小男人相當(dāng)好奇，甘地頻頻收到來(lái)自報(bào)社和攝像師的問(wèn)題的狂轟亂炸。有次有個(gè)記者問(wèn)道：“你對(duì)西方文明有什么看法？“在這樣一個(gè)和他的名聲息息相關(guān)的重要時(shí)刻，甘地回答道：

“I think it would be a good idea.”
“我覺(jué)得這個(gè)想法是很好?！?/strong>

Ali

7. The “Greatest” Comeback 最“偉大”的反駁

Muhammad Ali once took a flight on Eastern Airlines in the 1970s. A flight attendant was making her final checks on the passengers, but noticed Ali failed to fasten his seat belt. She kindly asked him to do so, but Ali replied quite arrogantly, “Superman don’t’ need no seat belt.” Not intimidated by the boxer’s reputation and fame, the flight attendant replied:
20世紀(jì)70年代，拳王阿里曾經(jīng)搭乘過(guò)東方航空公司的飛機(jī)。一位空姐在對(duì)乘客進(jìn)行最后的檢查時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)阿里沒(méi)有系上安全帶?？战愫芎吞@地提醒阿里，但是我們的拳王態(tài)度傲慢地回答道：“超人不需要安全帶?！边@位空姐完全沒(méi)有被拳王的名氣嚇到，她依然語(yǔ)氣和藹地回答道：

“Superman don’t need no airplane either.”
“超人也不需要坐飛機(jī)?！?/strong>

Oscar

6. The Wildest and Best Comeback by Oscar Wilde
?? 王爾德最大膽最好的反駁

Oscar Wilde was widely known for his wit and intelligence in plays, but he was no stranger to it in real-life. After one performance of one of his plays, Wilde went on stage and welcomed a warm reception. Many people applauded and threw a copious amount of beautiful flora, but one unsatisfied person threw a rotten cabbage at the playwright. Wilde picked it up and replied with a straight face:
奧斯卡·王爾德因?yàn)樵趹騽?chuàng)作方面的機(jī)智和才華廣為人知，不過(guò)在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中，王爾德也同樣是一個(gè)機(jī)智過(guò)人的人。在一次他的劇作搬上舞臺(tái)的演出后，王爾德上臺(tái)致謝，受到了大家的熱烈歡迎。許多人鼓掌，還把許多漂亮的植物投擲到舞臺(tái)上。不過(guò)有位觀眾似乎不滿意，朝劇作家扔了一顆爛白菜。王爾德?lián)炱鸢撞?，臉上沒(méi)什么表情的說(shuō)道：

“Thank you my friend. Every time I smell it, I shall be reminded of you.”
“謝謝你我的朋友，每次我聞到它，我肯定會(huì)想起你?！?/strong>

Beecher

5. This is America Comeback 美式反駁

Henry Ward Beecher was an abolitionist who liked to speak his mind. When the Civil War took its start, Beecher traveled throughout the US attempting to gather up support and favor for Lincoln and his Emancipation Proclamation. He said that the Union would beat the Confederates in sixty days during his travels; and when he made a trip to England, this was used against him. At that time, war was still a very sensitive topic among the British, due to the Americans winning the Revolutionary War. While he was speaking in Manchester, one hostile man cried out: “Why didn’t you whip the Confederates in sixty days, as you said you would?” He hesitated only for a second, but then replied:
亨利·沃德·比徹是一位廢奴主義者，他總是想要說(shuō)出自己的觀點(diǎn)。美國(guó)內(nèi)戰(zhàn)剛剛開(kāi)始的時(shí)候，比徹在美國(guó)大陸四處奔波，希望能夠聚集人們對(duì)當(dāng)時(shí)總統(tǒng)林肯和《解放黑奴宣言》的支持和贊同情緒。他在美國(guó)的時(shí)候表示聯(lián)邦軍（北軍）會(huì)在六十天內(nèi)打敗同盟軍（南軍）。等他到英國(guó)的時(shí)候，英國(guó)人就拿這句話來(lái)針對(duì)他。在當(dāng)時(shí)的英國(guó)，因?yàn)槊绹?guó)人打贏了獨(dú)立戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)是個(gè)敏感話題。當(dāng)比徹在曼徹斯特發(fā)表演說(shuō)的時(shí)候，有人充滿敵意地發(fā)難道：“你說(shuō)會(huì)在六十天內(nèi)打敗同盟軍，怎么到現(xiàn)在還未能取勝？”比徹猶豫了一秒然后回答道：

“Because we found we had Americans to fight this time, not Englishmen.”
“因?yàn)槲覀儼l(fā)現(xiàn)這次我們的對(duì)手是美國(guó)人，而不是英國(guó)人?！?/strong>

Churchill

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4. Churchill’s Honest Comeback 丘吉爾最誠(chéng)實(shí)的反駁

Winston Churchill makes this list again. In his early career, he was at a meeting and another member was giving a long-winded speech. Churchill began to close his eyes and fall asleep. At the sight of this, the member became visibly angry and shouted: “Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking?” Instead of making attempts at an apology or a cover-up, Churchill simply replied:
溫斯頓·丘吉爾再次出現(xiàn)在我們的榜單中。在他的早期職業(yè)生涯中，有次他出席會(huì)議，有人發(fā)表一篇冗長(zhǎng)啰嗦的演講。丘吉爾就閉上眼睛睡著了。演講者看到這一幕肯定很生氣，就喊道：“丘吉爾先生，你非要在我講話的時(shí)候睡著嗎？”丘吉爾沒(méi)有試圖道歉或掩飾一下，他只是簡(jiǎn)單地回答道：

“No, it’s purely voluntary.”
“不，這完全是無(wú)意識(shí)的?！?/span>

Lincoln

3. The Best Self-Effacing Comeback 最佳謙讓反駁

Abraham Lincoln was not the most attractive presidents but he was in a sense, almost fascinatingly ugly. During a debate, Lincoln was accused by his more hostile opponent of being two-faced. Lincoln managed to accomplish what few men have done before, he defended himself without insulting the other man, and even poked fun at a flaw of his all in the same sentence. Lincoln calmly turned to the crowd and said:
亞伯拉罕·林肯不是美國(guó)歷史上最迷人的總統(tǒng)，不過(guò)從某種意義上來(lái)說(shuō)，他丑得很有魅力。在一次辯論中，對(duì)方發(fā)言很是咄咄逼人，他指責(zé)林肯是個(gè)兩面派。林肯完成了很少有人實(shí)現(xiàn)的壯舉，他沒(méi)有侮辱對(duì)方就為自己做了辯護(hù)，還在話里對(duì)自己的缺陷開(kāi)起了玩笑。他很冷靜地面對(duì)人群然后說(shuō)道：

“If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?”
“如果我有兩張臉，你覺(jué)得為什么我現(xiàn)在臉是這樣？”

Churchill

2.The Classic Comeback from the King of the Comebacks
?? 反駁帝的經(jīng)典反駁

Winston Churchill makes this list again for a third time, proving him to truly be one of the world’s wittiest people. Attending a party in London, Churchill once again was drunk and intoxicated. An obviously extremely astute woman from Parliament, like Nancy Astor (the first entry), apparently was irritated by Churchill’s mannerisms. When she finally had enough, she came up to him and yelled: “Winston, you’re drunk!” He may have been drunk but that apparently didn’t affect his cognitive functions as he merely replied:
溫斯頓·丘吉爾第三次出現(xiàn)在我們的榜單中，證明了他真的是世界上最機(jī)智的人之一。一次在倫敦參加晚會(huì)，丘吉爾又一次喝得酩酊大醉。有一位像南茜·阿斯特一樣極其聰明的國(guó)會(huì)女性，被丘吉爾的舉止無(wú)狀給激怒了。她走到丘吉爾面前叫道：“溫斯頓，你喝多了！”丘吉爾也許是真的喝多了，但這明顯不會(huì)影響他的認(rèn)知功能。因?yàn)樗?jiǎn)單回答道：

“You’re right Bessie, and you’re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober.”
“貝茜你說(shuō)的對(duì)，還有，你長(zhǎng)得真丑。不過(guò)明天早上我的酒就醒了?！?/strong>

Cosgrove

1.The Might-Not-Have-Happened Comeback 不該發(fā)生的反駁

This final comeback needs no explanation nor introduction. One only needs to read the interview excerpt for him/herself to understand its greatness.
最后一個(gè)最佳反駁不需要解釋也不需要介紹，你只要自己讀讀下面的采訪摘要，就會(huì)明白這個(gè)反駁有多棒：

Female Interviewer: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
女采訪者：斯格羅夫?qū)④?，這些年輕孩子來(lái)基地參觀的時(shí)候，你準(zhǔn)備教他們些什么呢？

General Cosgrove: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
斯格羅夫?qū)④姡何覀儠?huì)教他們攀巖、劃艇、射箭還有射擊。

Female Interviewer: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?
女采訪者：射擊？這會(huì)不會(huì)不太保險(xiǎn)啊？

General Cosgrove: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
斯格羅夫?qū)④姡翰粫?huì)啊，我們會(huì)在步槍打靶場(chǎng)密切指導(dǎo)他們的。

Female Interviewer: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
女采訪者：你不覺(jué)得教小朋友射擊是很相當(dāng)危險(xiǎn)的行為嗎？

General Cosgrove: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
斯格羅夫?qū)④姡翰粫?huì)啊，在讓他們摸搶之前，我們會(huì)教他們進(jìn)行正確的步槍訓(xùn)練。

Female Interviewer: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.
女采訪者：你是在將他們訓(xùn)練成殘暴的殺手。

General Cosgrove: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?
斯格羅夫?qū)④姡簠龋?，你其?shí)也具備做一名妓女的條件，你不也沒(méi)做么?！?/strong>

聲明：雙語(yǔ)文章中，中文翻譯僅代表譯者個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)，僅供參考。如有不妥之處，歡迎指正。