從專八翻譯真題看如何翻譯(2)
從專八翻譯真題解析看如何翻譯(2)
真題:
得病以前,我受父母寵愛,在家中橫行霸道,一旦隔離,拘禁在花園山坡上一幢小房子里,我頓感打入冷宮,十分郁郁不得志起來。一個春天的傍晚,園中百花怒放,父母在園中設(shè)宴,一時賓客云集,笑語四溢。我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗簾,窺見園中大千世界,一片繁華,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其間,個個喜氣洋洋。一霎時,一陣被人摒棄,為世所遺的悲憤兜上心頭,禁不住痛哭起來。
解析:
1. 一個春天的傍晚,園中百花怒放,父母在園中設(shè)宴,一時賓客云集,笑語四溢。
學(xué)譯:At one dusk in spring,flowers were blooming wildly in the garden,my parents were holding a banquet,in which guests were gathering,laughters could be heard everywhere.
學(xué)譯:On a spring evening,hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while,guests gathered in large number,laughing and talking,which could be heard clearly.
參考譯文:On a spring evening,my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time,a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there.
漢語原句的“節(jié)數(shù)”增加到“五節(jié)”。譯成英語,仍應(yīng)確定正確的“主干”,兩個“學(xué)譯”不謀而合,將“園中百花怒放”,而不是“父母在園中設(shè)宴”作為“主干”來處理。讀來,給人一種觀比薩斜塔的感覺。相比之下,參考譯文則給人一種美感,散發(fā)出濃郁的英語味。原因很簡單,參考譯文選對了英譯之“主干” (my parents gave a banquet in the garden)。另外一個值得記取的經(jīng)驗(yàn)是:漢語原句出現(xiàn)了一個句號,因此80%左右的學(xué)生譯文,也亦步亦趨,硬性譯成了一句,以上兩句“學(xué)譯”也不例外。復(fù)觀參考譯文,我們發(fā)現(xiàn),被處理成兩句,從容之中多了些干練。
2. 我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗簾,窺見園中大千世界,一片繁華,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其間,個個喜氣洋洋。
學(xué)譯:I stayed in the small flat on the hillside,quietly opened the curtain,caught glimpse of the world in the garden,it was so flourishing:my brothers and sisters,male cousins,were coming and going through,everyone looked pleasant.
學(xué)譯:In the small cottage on the hillside,secretly I opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. All of them were delighted,including my brothers,my sisters,and my cousins.
參考譯文:I,without being noticed,lifted the curtain in my small room,only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden,and my elder sisters,brothers and my cousins,each full of the joys of spring,were shuttling among the guests.
漢語原句的“節(jié)數(shù)”有了空前的增加:八節(jié)。面對如此長的“竹竿句”,“學(xué)譯”顯得有點(diǎn)“技窮”,無奈之下,以上兩句“學(xué)譯”便依樣畫葫蘆,照漢語原文的感覺走,見一句就譯一句,不考慮“節(jié)”間關(guān)系,不分析時間先后和邏輯內(nèi)涵。第二句“學(xué)譯”甚至沒有弄清“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”和“個個喜氣洋洋”之間的關(guān)系,不明白“個個喜氣洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”,而錯把All of them were delighted當(dāng)作“主干”,而把my brothers,my sisters,and my cousins用including作為其中包含的成員處理。
復(fù)觀參考譯文,發(fā)現(xiàn)譯者在落下譯筆之前,對原句的邏輯梳理,非常到位,因此,確定“主干”,也極為果斷?!扒那南破鸫昂煛薄ⅰ耙泊┎迤溟g”分別作了“主干”,英譯就站穩(wěn)了腳跟。特別值得一提的是,譯者在第一個“主干” (lifted the curtain in my small room)之后,用了一個動詞不定式短語,表示結(jié)果,在這個動詞不定式短語前添加了一個副詞only,譯文頓時生色!這說明,除了經(jīng)過邏輯分析確定“主干”之外,能活用所掌握的詞匯,也極為重要。我們初學(xué)英語之時,就已經(jīng)學(xué)到:only to是一個很有感情色彩的表達(dá),其含義是:不料竟會……;沒想到會……。
3. 一霎時,一陣被人摒棄,為世所遺的悲憤兜上心頭,禁不住痛哭起來。
學(xué)譯:It was so quick that I felt being deserted by people and by the whole world,bursting into tears.
學(xué)譯:I couldn‘t help crying bitter,with a feeing of being abandoned by others flooded in my heart at that moment.
參考譯文:Quickly enough,I was thrown into a fist of sorrowful anger at being forgotten and discarded by the rest and could not help crying my heart out.
漢語原句的“節(jié)數(shù)”有四節(jié)。若對句中的最后兩節(jié)略作分析,不難發(fā)現(xiàn)“悲憤兜上心頭”和“禁不住痛哭起來”之間是一種先后關(guān)系,也略帶因果關(guān)系,但總的來說,兩個短語所占分量大致相同所以處理時,以使用并列句為好,沒有必要強(qiáng)調(diào)主次。“學(xué)譯”分別把“悲憤兜上心頭”和“禁不住痛哭起來”作為主語,另一個短句作為修飾成分,但讀起來感覺分句不是太簡略就是太冗長。而參考譯文的并列處理則擺平了這兩個短句,讀起來通順流暢。
所以,在選定“主干”時,也應(yīng)當(dāng)避免形而上學(xué)的思維,選擇主句的同時,還要深入分析以下句間真正的關(guān)系所在,在并列或先后關(guān)系的句子中,也不能強(qiáng)行設(shè)立一個“主干”,而弄巧成拙。
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