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Exams
考試
By Jo Bertrand
喬伯特蘭
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Do you remember that nasty feeling of sweaty palms? A wave of nausea coming over you? The sudden inability to talk your mouth is so dry? No, it’s not the first meeting with the dreaded in-laws, although some parallels could easily be made. I’m talking about waiting at the door of an exam room, convinced that you know nothing and that there’s no way you will get through this experience alive.
你還記得掌心滿是汗水的恐怖的焦慮感嗎？你還記得當(dāng)時(shí)那一陣陣的反胃嗎？你還記得突然間口干舌燥說(shuō)不出話的感覺(jué)嗎？我說(shuō)的可不是第一次見(jiàn)可怕的親家，雖然有一定的相似之度。我說(shuō)的是，當(dāng)你在考試門外等待進(jìn)入考場(chǎng)的那一刻，你覺(jué)得自己對(duì)考試內(nèi)容一無(wú)所知，覺(jué)得自己一定不可能活著通過(guò)這次考試的感覺(jué)。?
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We’ve all been there at some point of our lives, whether it be for the 11+, the G.C.S.E French oral exam, university finals, the FCE exam… the list is endless. Somehow though we get through it. We survive to see another day. But what has always baffled me is how people react so differently when faced with the prospect of taking an exam.
我們?cè)谝簧械暮芏鄷r(shí)刻都有過(guò)這種感覺(jué)：中學(xué)入學(xué)考試、中學(xué)的語(yǔ)法口語(yǔ)考試、大學(xué)期末考以及第一英語(yǔ)證書考試……舉不勝舉。好在我們都扛過(guò)來(lái)了。我們通過(guò)了并看到了新的天地。然而，讓我迷惑的是，人們?cè)诿鎸?duì)考試時(shí)的反應(yīng)是如此的不同。
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I don’t know about you but I’ve always been insanely jealous of those people who party all year round, then the night before the exam flick through my course book, (theirs is empty because they didn’t go to any lectures), and then somehow manage to sail through the exam with flying colours. In the meantime I’m there, present and correct at most of my lectures, panicking for weeks before my finals, and the night before, not only am I trying to cram like mad everything my clever friend points out is missing from my file as he flicks through my text books and observes that I’ve missed out a whole chapter of essential work that is bound to come up in the exam, (draw for breath!), but I’m also panicking about packing my school bag.
我不知道你會(huì)不會(huì)像我一樣，對(duì)于那些總是一年到頭都參加派對(duì)，然后只是在考試前夜隨手翻閱下我的教科書（他們的課本是空空的因?yàn)樗麄儚牟蝗ヂ?tīng)任何的課程），但是最后卻順利的通過(guò)考試的人，簡(jiǎn)直羨慕的要死。其間，我卻忙于復(fù)習(xí)和修正課程，心驚肉跳的度過(guò)考試前幾周。在考試前夜，當(dāng)我一個(gè)聰明的朋友翻閱我的課本時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)漏了一整章必考內(nèi)容時(shí)，我不僅瘋狂的試著把一切記下來(lái)，（深呼吸?。?，但在我在收拾書包時(shí)，內(nèi)心卻依然感到一陣陣恐慌。
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Once you’re in the exam room there is the obligatory ritual of snacks and refreshments to be organised. It’s essential that you line them up in edible order so as not to have to think too much whilst writing. The idea is also not to make too much noise during the exam. There’s nothing worse than popcorn rustling in a cinema. The exam room is no exception. So it’s vitally important that the aforementioned sweets are opened and ready to go. Your packet of Polos should be completely opened. These should be sucked and not crunched at the time of consumption otherwise it defeats the whole object of trying to avoid noise pollution. Finally, no cans or cartons should be taken into the exams as both are far too noisy.[/en]
一旦你進(jìn)入考場(chǎng)，安排好小吃和茶點(diǎn)是必不可少的規(guī)矩。很有必要把他們按照飲食的先后順序排好隊(duì)，省得在考試時(shí)還在想著先吃哪個(gè)。這也是為避免在考試時(shí)制造出不必要的噪音考慮的。再?zèng)]有什么比電影院里吃爆米花的聲音更難聽(tīng)的了。試場(chǎng)也不例外，所以一定要把上述的那些糖果包裝袋提前打開(kāi)，隨時(shí)可取用，這一點(diǎn)至關(guān)重要。要把棒棒糖的包裝袋完全打開(kāi)，吃的時(shí)候只能吮，不能嚼。否則你試圖避免噪音污染的目的可就徹底落空了。最后，不能把罐頭和紙盒帶進(jìn)考場(chǎng)，因?yàn)檫@兩樣噪音都太大。
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Next up is the bulging pencil case. You should of course have at least 2 pencils and 6 pens. 2 black, 2 blue, 2 red. If you want to go for the novelty points then choose a purple, or green scented pen. Any attempt to make the examiner smile can’t be wrong, can it? Don’t forget your highlighter pens, one of each colour, tipex, blu tack, glue. You never know what might happen. You need a personal clock, although the space on the table is becoming relatively limited at this point, so a watch is an acceptable option.
下面要說(shuō)的便是裝文具盒。你至少要裝兩支鉛筆和六支簽字筆。兩支黑色，兩支藍(lán)色，兩支紅色。如果你想標(biāo)新立異，那就選紫色或者綠色香味筆。任何能夠讓考官高興的事是不會(huì)錯(cuò)的，對(duì)吧？不要忘了你的記號(hào)筆，每種顏色一支，tipex牌的，粗頭的，還有膠水。你絕對(duì)不會(huì)知道會(huì)發(fā)生什么事情。你還需帶一個(gè)鬧鐘，雖然在這種情況下桌面空間可能會(huì)不夠用，但手表還是個(gè)很好的選擇的。

As you turn your paper over, your mind inevitably goes blank for at least the first ten minutes and you start thinking back to the days when you had a life, in the pre-revision era. Suddenly though, fear takes over. You jab your forehead incessantly with a pen in the hope that this will encourage some sort of intelligent thought to flow from your brain to the paper via your biro. And miracles of miracles, it does. For the next three hours you write constantly, not even pausing for breath, let alone pausing to pick up a polo. In any case their destiny is to get sticky at the bottom of your bag because you stupidly opened the whole packet. But none of that matters anymore because you’re on fire. Nothing can stop you now. And three hours later you’re mentally exhausted and your arm wants to drop off. But you’ve got through it, or at least you think you have…
當(dāng)你翻開(kāi)試卷是，不可避免的，你會(huì)發(fā)覺(jué)大腦在前10分鐘一片空白，然后你開(kāi)始回想自己復(fù)習(xí)備考的那段時(shí)光。盡管如此，恐懼還是突然占據(jù)了你身心。你不停地用筆戳著前額，仿佛這樣就能從大腦中汲取一些靈感，讓它順著圓珠筆流淌到卷面上似的。這一招還真管用，奇跡中的奇跡真的出現(xiàn)了。接下來(lái)的三個(gè)小時(shí)你毫不停歇地寫著，只是偶爾拿起一支棒棒糖。因?yàn)槟阌薮赖卮蜷_(kāi)了一整包棒糖，所以每一次它們都會(huì)粘在你的書包底上。但也管不了那么多了，已經(jīng)到了火燒眉毛的時(shí)刻了，現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有什么可以阻止得了你。過(guò)了三個(gè)小時(shí)，你已精疲力盡，胳膊就象要斷了一樣?？墒悄愠晒Φ仃J過(guò)來(lái)了，至少你自認(rèn)為你闖過(guò)來(lái)了。
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The post-exam ritual involves everyone saying; ‘Ok lets talk about anything other than the exam because that was absolutely awful.’, and then you all proceed to talk about nothing else but the exam for the next hour. Where you thought you’d done well, now after having listened to what everyone else put, well there’s just no way you could have passed. I wouldn’t even pass myself if I were marking it; the answers I put were so irrelevant. Quality not quantity is what we’ve always been told and I forgot that golden rule. I have an aching arm for nothing.
考試后司空見(jiàn)慣的場(chǎng)景是：每個(gè)人都在說(shuō)“我們談點(diǎn)與考試無(wú)關(guān)的事情吧，考試簡(jiǎn)直那太惡心了”。然而接下來(lái)的一小時(shí)，所有人都在談?wù)摽荚?，別的卻什么都不談。一開(kāi)始你還覺(jué)得自己考得還不錯(cuò)，但聽(tīng)完大家話后，就覺(jué)得自己根本不可能過(guò)關(guān)。我填的答案連我自己這一關(guān)都過(guò)不了，它們太不著邊際了。重質(zhì)不重量是我們耳熟能詳?shù)慕鹂朴衤?，我把這一條給忘了。寫得我胳膊發(fā)痛卻一無(wú)所獲。

Now comes the wait. Why can’t examining boards devise a wonderful marking system that can put you out of your misery within the next couple of days. Two months is an obscene amount of time if you ask me. Eventually the envelope arrives. A hot tip: when asked for your address you should always give your parents’ address to avoid having to rush to the door for a week around the results day and then actually having to open the dreaded envelope once it eventually arrives two days late, a sadistic delay intended so that you sweat it out some more. In any case your mum is scared enough as it is and is only too happy to pass on the good news when it arrives on her doorstep. Lo and behold the day when I fail an exam! I’m touching lots of wood as I write this.
現(xiàn)在到等待考試結(jié)果的時(shí)候了。為什么考試委員不能發(fā)明一套好點(diǎn)的記分系統(tǒng)，讓能夠你在考后幾天內(nèi)就可以解脫煩惱。在我看來(lái)，兩個(gè)月的時(shí)間簡(jiǎn)直長(zhǎng)得要命。最后終于來(lái)信了。熱心提示：在填地址時(shí)一定要填你父母的地址，這樣省得你在快要發(fā)表成績(jī)的那個(gè)星期天天到門口查信，不過(guò)最后還是耽擱了兩天，才看到這封可怕的信。要知道這多耽擱的兩天簡(jiǎn)直是受虐，能讓你驚出一身身冷汗。你媽媽也一直擔(dān)驚受怕，只有當(dāng)捷報(bào)送到門口時(shí)，她才會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)憂為喜?；仡^想想我考試不及格的那些日子吧！我在寫這文章之前也是磕磕絆絆地過(guò)來(lái)的。

Anyway, the upshot of all the stress and anxiety is that the hard work has paid off and even though you don’t quite get the A++ that your jammy friend got, you’re ecstatic with your well-earned B+.
不管怎樣，壓力和焦慮都過(guò)去了，這是你下苦功的回報(bào)。盡管你沒(méi)有象你的鐵哥們那樣得到A++ ，只得了個(gè)來(lái)之不易的B+，這也足夠讓你欣喜若狂了。
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Though one thing I haven’t quite worked out yet is what the attraction of exams is. There must be something addictive about the stress related to them. I spent last summer doing a teaching course followed by a horribly stress-inducing exam in December. Nobody forced me to do it. I actually volunteered and handed over a scary amount of money for the privilege. That’s stressful in itself! Neither have I learnt from my school exam days as I still went through the same old emotions, and the same old rituals and I’m very pleased to say it worked. Although I’m still convinced that it’s not so much what I wrote in my exam that did it but how I wrote it. The infallible mint-scented biro strikes again!
雖然，至今，我還不太清楚考試究竟有什么吸引力，但考試所帶來(lái)的那種壓力，一定有種令人上癮的成分。去年夏天，我報(bào)了一個(gè)訓(xùn)練課程，接下來(lái)在十二月時(shí)參加了一次緊張至極的考試。誰(shuí)也沒(méi)強(qiáng)迫我做這一切，這是我自愿的，交了數(shù)目驚人的一筆錢來(lái)?yè)Q取這種特殊享受。很緊張很刺激的一個(gè)過(guò)程！我在學(xué)校的考場(chǎng)上都沒(méi)有體驗(yàn)過(guò)。昔日的感受又一次涌上心頭，昔日的慣例又一上重演，讓我高興的是，這一套仍然管用。我仍然相信：能夠通過(guò)，不是因?yàn)槲覍懙拇鸢刚_，而是因?yàn)槭俏覍懘鸢傅姆绞秸_。那支永無(wú)謬誤的薄荷香味圓珠筆又一次“顯靈”了！