Like many strong, independent women, I was committed to not losing myself in a relationship. After some digging, I realized that my commitment to freedom was making me feel really alone -- even when I was married. I was still operating as if I was single. As if I had to do it all by myself. So here I was, with a partner ready to give me what I wanted -- and I wouldn't let him. Subconsciously, I was terrified that if I started to rely on my husband for anything that would mean I was dependent (which meant I could get hurt). But I stopped using the excuse that I don't want to lose myself as a reason I had to "do it all on my own."
像很多堅(jiān)強(qiáng)獨(dú)立的女性一樣，我堅(jiān)持不在感情中失去自我。但嘗試幾次之后，我意識(shí)到正是我對(duì)自由的堅(jiān)持使我真正感覺(jué)孤獨(dú)，甚至結(jié)婚之后也是如此。我仍然表現(xiàn)得好像自己依然單身，好像什么都得自己去做。所以我就是這樣的，老公準(zhǔn)備給我我想要的東西，但我也不讓。我下意識(shí)地害怕如果我開(kāi)始事事依賴(lài)我丈夫，那就意味著我不再獨(dú)立（也就意味著我會(huì)受傷）。但后來(lái)我不再拿“不想失去自我”當(dāng)作親力親為的借口了。

Here's how you can start to bring your own wall down and let a man into your life:
下面就教你如何開(kāi)始打破心里障礙讓男人進(jìn)入你的生活。

1. Identify this wall and where it came from.
認(rèn)清心里障礙，知道它從何而來(lái)。

If you watched one of your parents lose themselves or felt like one parent sacrificed a lot for the other, you too, at a young age, maybe said, "I'm not going to depend on a man."
如果你看到父母中有一個(gè)失去了自我，或者感覺(jué)他們中有一個(gè)人為另外那個(gè)人犧牲了很多，那年紀(jì)輕輕的你可能也會(huì)說(shuō)：“我以后才不會(huì)靠男人?！?/div>

Or maybe you simply don't like your parents relationship because it felt like one or both were trapped in some way.
或者可能你僅僅是不喜歡你父母那樣的關(guān)系，因?yàn)槟菢痈杏X(jué)好像一個(gè)人或者兩個(gè)人都被困住了。

You may even admire your parent's relationship, but still noticed one parent was more dominant over the other. Did you always hear "You'll have to make sure that's okay with mom first" or "We can't buy that because dad will get mad" in your home?
你可能甚至?xí)蕾p你父母那樣的關(guān)系，但仍然注意到其中一個(gè)人占統(tǒng)治地位。你是否在家里總是聽(tīng)見(jiàn)諸如“你先要確定媽媽會(huì)同意”或者“我們不能買(mǎi)那個(gè)因?yàn)榘职謺?huì)瘋掉的”此類(lèi)的話？

Do a little digging and identify the wall for yourself, no matter what your scenario. This wall can be what's keeping you single (just as much as this wall had me on the brink of divorce).
無(wú)論你屬于哪種情況，你都要挖掘并認(rèn)清你心中的障礙，那就是你依舊單身的根源（正如這道障礙差點(diǎn)使我離婚一樣）。

2. Commit to trying to let a man take care of you, even in a small ways.
一定要努力讓男人照顧你，即使事情小得微不足道。

When you let men take care of you -- from opening the salsa jar, to opening doors for you, to letting him pay for dinner -- your experiences with men will change.
你讓男人照顧你時(shí)，從開(kāi)果醬罐子、為你開(kāi)門(mén)，到讓他付晚餐的錢(qián)，你和男人在一起的感覺(jué)會(huì)改變。

Yes, you know you can do these things yourself -- you're a strong, independent woman after all. But asking for support even in small ways helps tame the knee jerk reaction to shut a man out, and instead opens you up to letting him in.
是的，你知道這些事情你完全可以自己做，畢竟你是一個(gè)堅(jiān)強(qiáng)獨(dú)立的女性。但即使是小事也要讓男人幫忙，這樣能避免你把男人拒之門(mén)外，相反還可以打開(kāi)心扉讓男人進(jìn)入你的心里。

When you let the right kinds of men support you, it gives that man PURPOSE in your life. A place where he fits, can contribute, and love you up the way you want to be loved.
你找到合適的男人來(lái)照顧你時(shí)，這便給了那個(gè)男人在你生活中的目標(biāo)。他有適合的位置，能夠使他以你想要的方式來(lái)愛(ài)你。

That's what helps men notice you, has them ask you out, and keeps them coming back for more.
這能使男人注意到你，給了他們約你的理由，還能讓他們繼續(xù)跟你交往。

So give it a shot.
所以你盡可一試。

聲明：本雙語(yǔ)文章的中文翻譯系滬江英語(yǔ)原創(chuàng)內(nèi)容，轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處。中文翻譯僅代表譯者個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)，僅供參考。如有不妥之處，歡迎指正。