名師點(diǎn)評(píng)網(wǎng)友BEC初級(jí)作文(2)
本期作文題目:
Formulate a smoking policy for your office which is fair to both smokers and nonsmokers. Write a 40-50 word memo informing all staff of the policy.
提示:
我們需要確定,如果我是公司職員,我要在這篇memo中獲得什么信息?是不是要知道:
1.新的吸煙政策從什么時(shí)候開始;
2.吸煙區(qū)劃定在什么地方?
網(wǎng)友作文一:
TO: All Employees
FROM: CEO, Willan Smith
SUBJECT: NEW SMOKING POLICY
For all the employees, especially smokers,[1] plz be aware that our company's new smoking policy has been formulated as follow: A main smoking area's going to be restricted before Next MONDAY[2], anyone is not allowed to smoker in non-smoking zone even in the washing room.[3]
Plz target the smoking and non-smoking area and stick to the company's new policy.[4]
Thx.
名師指導(dǎo):
[1]去掉,抬頭已經(jīng)寫過給所有的員工,所以直接從正文開始就行了,費(fèi)這個(gè)事干什么?
[2]時(shí)間不確切,最好是 from next Monday. Before 這個(gè)期限是什么時(shí)候?如果不能給出確切信息,就不要說,還不如換成具體的吸煙區(qū)域更好: be restricted to the room next to the toilet.
[3]你經(jīng)常在洗手間吸煙嗎?或者你們公司有這樣的同事?把這句話去掉。
[4]添加:to ensure that it is fair to all of you.
網(wǎng)友作文二:
To: All staff
From: Hope0068
Everybody know that smoking is dangerous for your health. And the The studies didn't just point to the ill effects of smoking on those who smoke--non-smokers, too. [1] Notice is hereby given that the smoking area is located in the special corner[2] of the first floor of this building. This come into force on[3] September 15th.
Thanks.
名師指導(dǎo):
[1]Memo 的主要作用就是提醒同事們注意事項(xiàng),這和吸煙有多有害不相干,去掉。改為:to assure working environment
[2]一般的公司都應(yīng)該給個(gè)room
[3]from
網(wǎng)友作文三:
memorandum
to : all the staff
from : jeremy
subjuect : new somking policy
do you have a feeling that our office is surrounding by smog all the day, [1]so we will implemented a[2] new policy for somking ,from next week[3] ,we will open an area[4] for the smoking ,and other area is rescricting to smoke ,also there is a punishment when we find you smoke in these area [5]
thank you
名師指導(dǎo):
[1]去掉來
[2]we will implement a
[3]Next Monday
[4]在哪里啊?
[5]關(guān)于懲罰,最好不提。
網(wǎng)友作文四:
to: All Staff
from: Susuan Wu
To creat a nonsmoking office room, we hope that smoking is forbidden in the work office from Sep.1st. Would you please enjoy your smoking in the Launch by closing the office door.
Thank you for your coperation.
名師指導(dǎo):
整體很干脆,但是語氣比較客氣,而且沒有看出是公司新政策的實(shí)行啊!
網(wǎng)友作文五:
To: All staff
From: Sarah Buffay
As you all know, there is an increasing dispute about smoking in the office. Now we'd like to formulate a policy both fair to smokers and nonsmokers: The vacant room 408 will be opened as "Smoking Room" from tomorrow. All smokers may go there within the time limitation from 9:00a.m. to 4:00p.m. But smokers are not allowed to smoke outside this room.[1]
If you have any problems, please contact me. [2]
名師指導(dǎo):
[1]去掉。
[2]這是信件的結(jié)尾,不是memo的,直接用 thank you 就可以。